Corrupted Wishing Well

First topic message reminder :

I'm sure most of you know this game -- make a wish, and have it come true. Problem is, the wishing well is corrupted and as such the fulfillment of the wish goes terribly awry!

To those who don't know what I'm talking about, here's the gist:
1. Grant the wish above you, making it go wrong somehow.
2. Make a wish yourself.
3. Lather, rinse, repeat.

For example:

Person 1: I wish for some sushi.

Person 2: Granted, but it seems that the fish has gone rotten, and it's given you food poisoning!
I wish for a puppy.

Person 3: Granted, but it's vicious and it tears up your furniture.
I wish I was the smartest person in the world.

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I shall start. c:

I wish for a pair of cute little rats. <3

granted but it brakes as you go to use it cause who ever bought it got it from a hobo
I wish for the power of everything!

granted but then some random power called Nothing kills you
I wish for...more wishes

granted but all your wishes cause you pain.
I wish you would slow down so laurel doesn't lock this

granted but then I drink some diet coke and go faster than ever
I wish for that diet coke :<

granted but then the diet coke gains intelleicent and gets pissed that you want it all the time in this and kills you
I wish for new cloths cause I really need more stylish thread. ( and apparently I'm a gangster now)

granted but you look exactly like a gangster and are arrested
I wish for more latin music

granted but a english guy sings over it
I wish I had pizza

granted but it's covered in mold
I wish for a pen...cil

granted but it is only made of lead no grafitie so you get lead poisoning
I wish axi was on so you hadn't topped him

granted but he doesn't care and gets right back off
I wish *says in a stereotypical british child's voice* I wish for a new leg (XD I just watched futurama)

granted but its made of jello (never watched futurama)
I wish I knew what to have for breakfest

granted but you don't have what you want
I wish for vindictus to be real life

granted, but real life is only a video game.
I wish my internet worked all the time and was fast too

wish granted, but that server no longer exists
I wish for the greatest effect pedal ever

granted but it's so great some random dude assassinates you
I wish for more room in my stomach to eat this delicious pizza

granted but then you eat all your pizza
I wish I could be an epic asassin.

Granted but an even epicer assassin assassinates you
I wish for more cheese

granted but a giant mouse comes and is like" No I want the cheese." and bites your face off
I wish for super power of unbeliveable normalness

Granted but your arch enemy "Epicness" defeats you countless times
I wish for...a new name :O

granted but your new name is pervert
I wish for an arch enemy and for us both to have epic powers and be locked in a never ending battle because neither of us can die

granted but then your powers become too much for both of you and the implode and become black holes
I wish for stuff

granted but the stuff happens to be plagued rats
I wish for a lack of something to wish for

What does that mean

exactly

granted but later on you find you did want something to wish for
I wish for headphones of epicness