Corrupted Wishing Well

First topic message reminder :

I'm sure most of you know this game -- make a wish, and have it come true. Problem is, the wishing well is corrupted and as such the fulfillment of the wish goes terribly awry!

To those who don't know what I'm talking about, here's the gist:
1. Grant the wish above you, making it go wrong somehow.
2. Make a wish yourself.
3. Lather, rinse, repeat.

For example:

Person 1: I wish for some sushi.

Person 2: Granted, but it seems that the fish has gone rotten, and it's given you food poisoning!
I wish for a puppy.

Person 3: Granted, but it's vicious and it tears up your furniture.
I wish I was the smartest person in the world.

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I shall start. c:

I wish for a pair of cute little rats. <3

ummmmmm dude I didn't wish for cake......

@Sid: Granted but it dies in a horrible car accident and haunts you for the rest of your life

@Zash: Granted, but you get it anyways since you didn't wish for it

I wish for zash to stop trying to break the wishing well since I always have to fix it 8c

granted but then desert breaks you and you can't fix it
I wish too beat the bosses in dark souls

Granted but then you're killed by the weakest monster
I wish for a pin

granted but its huge so if you use it it will cut you and you will bleed out
I wish for the power of pryomancy

granted, but the power of pyromancy is just a crappy manga that is stupid and can't be followed.
I wish for a new computer that never breaks and always has internet and is always working

granted but the comp is stolen
I wish for hmmmmmmmm idk

granted but people kill you because... hmmmmmmmm idk
I wish laurel would let me kill you

Granted, but zashonfire gets revived and punches you in the face for killing him/her.

I wish I had plushies of every Eeveelution.

granted but your dog eats them all
I wish for for forumotions to let me use better avatars

Granted, but you get seizures every time you look at your new avatar because it's just too epic.

I wish I had a fez. Fezzes are cool.

Granted, but zash kills you because he wanted a fez to for some strange reason
I wish for omnipotent powers

Granted, but you only possess them for 0.0000001 second.

I wish for nothing good to happen.

granted but LMFAO fixes it all

I wish for shots

Granted, but a mudkipz steals them then hits you with 'Drunk' gun.

I wish for troll logic

Granted, but the troll physics end up trolling you, and then after you've been trolled, they use troll physics to bring you back to life, and repeat the cycle.

I wish that i had no homework.

Granted, but you have 10 projects due the next day

I wish for world...war 3

granted, but all the armies fight with pillows.

i wish for a corrupted wish.

Granted, but it's not corrupted. Your wish creates a paradox which causes a black hole to form in your bedroom.


I wish we had one day breaks between each exam at school.

granted but in those free days you don't study and forget everything and fail.

I wish I had the same aura vision as a lucario

Granted, but lucario get mad at you for having his power and kills you, with a fire, while hitting you with a stick, while kidney punching you, and beating you in basketball by doing a grany shot.

I wish I didn't have to read Romeo and Juliet in English

granted but instead of that you read every other boring book in the planet

I wish I could do the SKY HOOK move and make it ever time

Granted, but every time you perform it, a puppy dies and you're blamed.

I wish I had one of the surviving puppies, and for it to become the most perfectly trained dog in the history of dog training. In other words, I wish for it to become the TOP DOG. Best pun EVAR.

Granted, but it becomes smarter than you and makes you perform tricks

I wish i was a pokemon

granted but you realize your now one of the toughest creatures on the planet and the FBI considers you a threat and takes you out.

I wish I never had to sleep