Corrupted Wishing Well

First topic message reminder :

I'm sure most of you know this game -- make a wish, and have it come true. Problem is, the wishing well is corrupted and as such the fulfillment of the wish goes terribly awry!

To those who don't know what I'm talking about, here's the gist:
1. Grant the wish above you, making it go wrong somehow.
2. Make a wish yourself.
3. Lather, rinse, repeat.

For example:

Person 1: I wish for some sushi.

Person 2: Granted, but it seems that the fish has gone rotten, and it's given you food poisoning!
I wish for a puppy.

Person 3: Granted, but it's vicious and it tears up your furniture.
I wish I was the smartest person in the world.

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I shall start. c:

I wish for a pair of cute little rats. <3

nasty and granted, but it turned out ot be a bear pie
I wish for a new pen

Granted, but when you go to write with it, it splatters ink all over the place, staining your favorite shirt.

I wish I could borrow the car. x-x

Granted, but the car goes haywire and you die in a car accident.

I wish my cat would stop scratching and biting me.

What. I'm dead. D8

Granted, but in lieu of scratching and biting, it suddenly starts using you for a litterbox.

I wish my jet lag would disappear.

Granted, but now everyone you meet complains about jet lag
I wish for nothing (I dun remember if I wished for this or not and I'm too lazy to check XD)

Granted,but a wrench appears in front of you (Yeah for random objects!)

I wish I lived in California

Granted, but you're homeless in Cali
I wish for a maid

Granted,but she never listens to you
I wish I had a cat

granted but it turns out to be a dog in a cat suit
I wish for a sign to mcdonalds

Granted, but it seems that you have to carry it home. Good luck dragging that thing all the way back!

I wish I had better motivation.

Granted, but everyone losses their motivation.
I wish Pokemon were real :3

(lol, Desert actually said that one earlier. xD Lemme rephrase my answer to her.)

Granted, but the world soon figures out that Pokemon, though cute and cuddly in most cases, are deadly and violent. Even with that knowledge, Pokemon trainers keep battling their Pokemon to others', causing worldwide chaos and destruction, injury and death, and eventually, the collapse of the planet Earth.
[GAME OVER]

I wish my room wasn't so hot and stuffy.

(lol fail on my part i kinda browsed through some of the grants and wishes)

Granted, but instead of your room becoming cool and unstuffy(?) u turn into an ice cube and then melt.
I wish i could have my drivers licens

Granted, but then the police figure out that you're underage and throw you in juvenile detention.

I wish I could fly.

Granted, but when your not looking you run into a skyscraper and break most of your bones, and live. now you have to live with the enduring pain of sitting in a hospital for 2 years
I wish the Zombie Attack started (oh snap!)

Granted, but -- wait, what?
It looks like all the zombies aren't actually attacking. They're dancing to Thriller!

I wish I wasn't so tired.

Granted, but now you're asleep forever >
I wish the new pmds would take longer to come out

Granted, but they take so long that when they come out you've already died of old age.

I wish....my friend will come back from vacation sooner.

Granted, but your friend leaves again three minutes after he comes back
I wish I could breath under water

Granted,but you can only breathe under water
I wish I lived in London

granted, but then london is hit with an atomic bomb
I wish for NYAN CAT

granted but all the episodes are 400$ and u lose all your money buying them.

I wish for world peace

sorry screwed up my last post
granted but nyan annoys and u loss all your friends
I wish for world peace

Granted, but the world catches on fire and burns everyone
I wish for shark week to be 2 weeks instead of one

granted but the sharks escape so the shows have no sharks
i wish i had mind control powers