Corrupted Wishing Well

First topic message reminder :

I'm sure most of you know this game -- make a wish, and have it come true. Problem is, the wishing well is corrupted and as such the fulfillment of the wish goes terribly awry!

To those who don't know what I'm talking about, here's the gist:
1. Grant the wish above you, making it go wrong somehow.
2. Make a wish yourself.
3. Lather, rinse, repeat.

For example:

Person 1: I wish for some sushi.

Person 2: Granted, but it seems that the fish has gone rotten, and it's given you food poisoning!
I wish for a puppy.

Person 3: Granted, but it's vicious and it tears up your furniture.
I wish I was the smartest person in the world.

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I shall start. c:

I wish for a pair of cute little rats. <3

granted, but it doesn't work
I wish for santa to be real XD

granted but he gets sick of giving everyone presents and goes on a killing spree

I wish I had tons of money

granted, but its monopoly money, and its in tons so you're crushed under its weight >: D
I wish for halo to be real ((o.o(this will end badly))

Granted but the Covenant wins because we're not actually advanced enough to make epic Spartans like Master chief...
I wish pokemon was real...where everybody is always 10 for some reason and can't be killed by massive explosions...thunderbolts...tidal waves...tornadoes...raging infernos....oh god what have I wished for!?!? DX

granted but your mom becomes over protective and you no gets your pokemanz DX
I wish for a good sandwhich

Granted but its poisnoned
I wish to be immortal

Granted, but after years and years of living, you find that it wasn't worth it as you can never love without eventually losing someone. You can never have a friend without having to watch them go through life, age and die while you continue to live on. The pain of all these losses drives you insane and you eventually lose yourself to the depths of your own mind.

I wish animals could talk XD

Granted but they all say perverted things
I wish for more wishes until I can come up with something else to wish for

Granted but you pick stupid things line your own death
I wish I wish I was a fish

Granted but I catch you and turn you into sushi
I wish for more diet coke (what is this like the 3rd or 4th time I wished for this? XD)

Granted but the coke becomes intelligent and hacks into your comp and uses it to hack into the goverment missel controle system and blows up your house.
I wish I didn't dislike Canada

Granted, but now Canada dislikes you and makes a law that you can't have any bacon.
I Wish for my wish to be granted without anything going wrong

Wish granted, but you get bored of the perfect wish and spend an eterninty of suffering.

I wish my house was purple.

granted but then it gets egged so you can only see the yolks which are yellow.

I wish I was an epic gamer and could beat demon souls.

Wish granted, but now you're so lonely you suffer from lack of social interaction.

I wish I had a battery.

granted but it has no juice and is the wrong kind
I wish I had that epic like aura power where you can instantly set a mood like you can walk in and make everyone want to party or make everyone want to leave

granted, but your aura makes people want to kill you.
I wish for world peace

( I already did this one so I'm gonna do the opposite of what I was rejected with. ) Granted but the world floods after we become all peaceful.
I wish for a nuke button my desk that aims nukes where I feel like aiming them

granted, but you accidentaly bomb your house.
I wish for anti-gravity like on the moon in call of duty.

granted but you try to jump higher and go out of the gravity zone so you float in endless space.

I wish for MONEY

Wish granted, but then you get robbed and left with a chicken nugget. And that's it.

I wish for an Oshawott.

Granted, But it has a bitter and selfish personality and never does anything you say.

I wish I had a 3DS T_T

Granted, but then it explodes when you kill something in game.

I wish I had a potato.

Granted, but its a rotten potato
I wish for a charmander :3

Granted but it burns down your house
I wish I had so many wishes at least one of them would go right and have nothing wrong happen .